Creative Juice

I am different than the rest of my family, I have a creative gene which seems to have missed everyone else. I wonder if my left handedness is a sign.   My first memory of interest in creative arts was grade 2 when I begged for a piano.  I got one in the following grade with the promise of taking lessons for two years, I took for them for eight.  I taught myself to sing and had a very minor professional career when I turned 20 in a pretty fun cover rock band.  I played the tambourine  and did some lead vocals which is kind of funny now, but I really thought I rocked it.  My boyfriend who would become my ltr kyboshed my participation because of extreme jealousy - I was an idiot of quitting, but that was then.

I was an actress in high school and auditioned for Canada' National Theatre School at 17, I didn't make it which was devastating.  I was up against college grads, I think I was out of my league, but I'd received high praise from my community and thought I was a shoe in.  I don't think doing Lady McBeth as a monologue helped me either.  I was asked to do my second reading and it was Street Car Named Desire and again I was too underage to do older women roles.  My bad.    I was accepted to Ottawa's theatre arts program and turned it down, I only wanted The Best.  Another stupid decision.

Writing has always been something I've done.  I started writing erotica at an early age because reading it had stimulated my imagination.  I hadn't had sex and wouldn't for several years after, but I knew quite a bit about pleasure by the time I participated.  I also wrote stories for my sisters, mini-novellas, I'd clip pictures from magazines of girls who I thought most resembled my characters.  I lost them when I moved and to this day is a loss for me.  I wonder if I was any good?

This isn't the first blog I've done.  I have had two others, one much more successful than this one, but the subject matter was too risky, besides which my interest changed and I wanted my blog to reflect the change.  I wonder from time to time if I could become a professional writer.  I haven't tried to write anything that isn't conversational style or diary like.  I have a book idea in my head, but I'm not sure I have the fortitude to commit to it.  From time to time I'll see a magazine url (some high end ones) have checked out my blog, but to date I haven't been contacted and asked if I'd like to contribute an article.  I think I'm like the models who get discovered on the streets, I'm still waiting for my big break.

Photography is a very big interest of mine, as seen by some of the artsy like pictures you'll find here.  I think I have a good idea and aesthetically know what pleases others.  My home while not perfect is tasteful with good use of space.  I'd like to take some photography classes and develop what I think might natural talent.

I have one sister who looks down her nose at my creative tendencies and I used  to feel self-conscious about it and hide my pursuits, now I realize we're just wired differently.  My other sister now has an 8 year old daughter who has so many of my childhood interests it's find of freaky.  She's into horses (I was a fanatic) and has been to acting camp and been spotted as an upcoming talent.  I'm thrilled that someone in the family has the bug.  It makes me feel much less alone.