I took the advice of you beautiful readers and have continued to date Ken Doll II.
I have to admit: the more we hang out the more I have started to actually like him. Unfortunately, when things start going well I start getting scared.
I’m fucking freaking out here people.
I just had a weeklong holiday (and I missed you all terribly) which provided an adequate if not temporary buffer between us. Even though I could have been texting him throughout my vacation, I wasn’t. But I’m back now and we’ve jumped back on the text boat. He wanted me to crash at his place last night but I was far too exhausted.
So I’m still fucking freaking out here people. I am unable to pinpoint a good enough flaw to end things. In fact, I’m actually finding reasons NOT to end things with him… I call these “Awesome Problems”
Awesome Problem #1: He makes fun of me
He’s funny. At least funny enough to rival me on a bad day. We’ve been on quite a few dates and spent a few weeks conversing and we already have inside jokes. Funny inside jokes. He is also witty enough that he can easily and effectively make fun of me. This is a great thing. I can’t handle guys who kiss my ass 24/7. He is in turn able to take the heat of my wrath. I’m frequently told the following things by male friends, acquaintances, and lovers
“Elle, sometimes you’re too mean!”
“That was way too far.”
And my personal favourite: “You need to learn how to be sweet, at least once and a while.”
APPARENTLY, stuttering a mocking phrase while your dyslexic boyfriend tries to read aloud isn’t endearing. (Totally kidding. That never happened. Seriously! Stop looking at me like you’re trying to decode whether or not that was sarcasm. I swear it didn’t happen. Please don’t make me say, “I’d never date someone with dyslexia” because then I’ll be supremo-bitch of the world and I’ll lose all my followers. Besides, I would date someone with dyslexia. To be honest, that’s kind of on my list of ideals because it would significantly decrease the chances of him reading the blog. Oh I’m going to hell.)
But the Ken Doll can handle my insults without internalizing them and developing a complex. I really dig that.
Awesome Problem #2 He calls me Rosie
a) This relates back to Awesome Problem #1. From an inside joke from our early days he has designated me with the nickname Rosie. I love nicknames. I’m a nickname whore. I don’t know what it is about them, I just fucking love them. I love giving them (the blog is evidence of that) and I love receiving them. So, even though I really hate the name Rosie, I love that he calls me Rosie just because it’s a nickname.
b) The fact that he calls me Rosie is kind of cute (in a really gross way). A guy who just wants to bang and ditch doesn’t come up with a re-occurring nickname (unless of course he’s dubbed me with the nickname because he can’t remember my real name. Humm...) Last night he sent me a text that said, “Good night Rosie.” He might as well have told me he is falling in love with me (okay, not quite but you get the picture).
Awesome Problem #3: He lives the perfect distance from me
He is about 23 minutes away. This is the perfect relationship distance (for me). It makes it convenient not to over do it, he can’t just show up on my doorstep (huge pet peeve) and I don’t have to worry about randomly running into him on the street corner. He’s far enough that he’s not able to smother me, but he’s close enough that I can’t actually use “distance” as an excuse to break up with him (or can I?)
Awesome Problem #4: The CFB factor
I seriously think I could turn him into a CFB! This excites me to no end. You see, the thing is, I’m pretty sure he’s dating me out of boredom. This would really suck if I was really into him, but I’m not. You see, I’m pretty sure I’m dating him out of boredom. He works a crazy amount and doesn’t have a lot of time to meet people (I hear that). He lives in a pretty shitty city and doesn’t have a lot of close friends (I hear that). The friends he does have are married and having babies or complete stoners (I hear that). In short, I’m convenient for him. I’m – obviously – a lot of fun to spend time with and I’m also not high-maintenance. He’s the same way. This is really fucking easy but I don’t see any sort of long-term or serious relationship developing. We’re all fun and no strings. We just laugh and have a great time together; we never put any expectations or projections on “what this is” or the future. I like him. I like everything about him, but I still don’t feel that I want to be with you thing. If it all ended tomorrow, I wouldn’t even be phased (nor would he). So now the question is, how do I introduce this CFB concept without me sounding like a whore or a bitch?
Awesome problems are one thing. The real problem is that there is one very real and definitely not awesome problem…
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